multiple personality disorder (MPD)

Last night, i started to read this novel entitled Tell Me Your Dreams. I just read that pampatulog. but then it caught my attention. I really Wanted to finish it yesterday. then this morning, as i woke up, my only goal was to finish it. It was about MPD. yeah there it goes. I am thinking that maybe i have this disorder. Well, all i know is that i have a lot of thoughts most of the time (as if i am the only one). See, i am covert person. No one knows me (as i believe), even myself. After i'd finished reading this, i did my POA. It was to withdraw money because i am leaving for tomorrow (just in Manila). But it turned out that it was half day (the bank). and so, i decided to go to church na lang since i was also planning to attend mass at 6pm (but it was only 4pm then). to use my time wisely, i prayed the rosary. Then my mother texted me to go to her, and so i obeyed. It was just 5pm pa lang naman. Then i ate with her. As i was walking alone way to my mom and way to the church. i asked my self. Is there a chance that there was a part of me capable of killing others. Look at me. We can never really tell. It goes like this. I was known as mahiyain, feminine whatever you call. But sometimes i can be slut to. (but not really din pala). i can be crazy you'll see. I can sing i front of everybody but then there were times that i had this stage fright. sometimes i can dance, sometimes not. i love acting (but that doesn't count). See I can be pious too. i always manage to go church alone, even if there is no mass, even if there is another occasion gathering there. La lang... So vague. Anyhow, i think i need a psychiatrist (self diagnosing). Well, but i am very aware of each of me. I'm healthy. i'm capable of loving a person. I am capable of getting mad. So many thoughts i hate it.

That's it =)

let me let myself love you =)

i think i'm getting there...after Mr. J thing..here is another Mr. J in my life...duhh...how come...! but it's too vague....too complicated...i really want it flow but....haix...it's so effortless.i know i'm not too precious to be pampered much but....i think i deserve to be wooed. parang..how can i fall if you just don't give me reasons? aside from that i his ex who is as if a tail!..so irritating...hmpt...maybe it,s not that obvious but i'm a jealous type...i'm also kinda possessive...i want it to be me..just me!..

when i love, i only love one! and i want to be loved the same way that i love.. maybe! i like you too..but please...don't use cell phone just to get in touch with me..use some effort..even a simple finding frel! please...please..let me let myself love you =)

a thought

start of pasukan na naman. maraming thoughts akong naiisip ngayon e. being loveless cguro e mahirap 4 me. basta.. i thought magkakabago na kong lovelife.....

sana in time.. makagawa ko ng wonderful story=)

1st love life...

I was 18 na then... Ewan.. I built my future with him... And it turned out na hindi rin pala kami magkakatuluyan.. Ewan ko ba... We 1st met sa uzzap... Hindi aman ako gnun ka-TH but i just gave him a condition na if makakapunta cya samin without even saying our address... I would let him in in my life... And it turned out to be na gnun nga.. nkarating cya... He asked help sa friend ko.. with a red ribbon black forest flavor cake... Pinapasok ko sa(i also let him in my life)... I was just 17 that time... Ewan ko ba... pero cguro nga nadala din ato sa mga bagay na naiibigay nga...2nd time na pumunta sya samin e isang box aman ng donut ang brought nya....3rd time naming magkita...isang stuff toy na kamukamuh na halos kasing lagi ko na ang binigay aman nya.. Nasanay na ko nga gnun.... On the 2nd week that we constantly date.... He gave me a ring...just a simple silver ring but embedded to it are our names... We both had it... Madami talaga ng nga nangyari... Almost a year din ang courtship nya sakin and napamahal din tlga sya sa aking family...

I can still remeber, it was my b-day when he gave me a red ribbon cake and a necklace....love na love tlga nya ko.....

I preferred to 'sagot' him sana on feb. 14, 2010..but it turned out na parang he's about to give up na on me...

Dec. 15, 2009 wen he said that he would stop na.... I was hurt... Iba pla tlga ung feelings...ewan... Masakit tlga... Then i told my self na if he went sa bahay e sasagutin ko na tlga cya...then aun nga... He went sa bahay with a milk flavor red ribbon cake...also, he gave me human t-shirt...my gosh...aun naging kmi na nga...

jan 14, 2010..he gave me a penshoppe t-shirt...

feb.14, 2010

1st valentine's day namin...nag-away kami,,,,Ung gift nya sakin was given the day before that kc suppose to be hindi tlga kmi magkikita ng 14 xe he had a work...gift nya sakin nun ay balloon na my bear sa loob kamuhkamuh....but then sabe ko sabay na kmi lunch...daan muna cya tayabas gnun...kea lng sa katakawan ko...nauna na kong kumain sa bhay....then sabe ko cya nlng kumain..sasamahan ko nlng...ngalit cya..aun...it was my first time to cry in front on him...grabe tlga...naicip ko tuloy panu if nung time na un dapat ko sya sasagutin..di hindi rin...xe un nga...away away....then..

umalis cya pumuntang bicol....before that e kumain pa kami sa palaisdaan...then basta mahina ang communication namin...ang hirap pla tlga...hindi sapat that you both love each others...maraming ideas kang maiicip na bka my iba na cya...or bka my nangyari sa knyang something... pag gnun kc..hndi na tlgga ko mapalgay....un...hanggng sa dumating ang time na nkipagcooloff me...but still, i retrieved it...i hate regrets kc....becoz i know i love him so much and it's so shallow aman if it just becoz of that e magle-let go na ko agad...dumating na sa point na once a week nlng kaming magkita then he vervalized pa na wag daw ako masydong oa na gz2 e everyday kami magkatxt....

nag-add up pa din ung sweetness ko sa kanya.. he want us to maging showy in terms of sweetness..e panu aman me magiging sweet sa isang taong madalang kong makita..ewan...cguro..gnun lng tlga..hindi pa tlga ako ready for a serious relationship...naging faint...then so totally blurred.. and so...

may27, 2010

he broke up with me...the reasons are becoz of his sakit...his job...my being childish..na cguro enaf reasons na din pra tapusin ang lahat...

iba pa rin pla pag actual na...

i wanted him back pa rin kahit na ang gulo gulo na din...

sabe ko i would change...i would learn to adjust in the situation...those were things that in truth i dunno if i could handle. but then, he never responded... ok lang ganun aman tlga cguro ang buhay....tanggapin nlng....